I was talking with a friend tonight about drawing, painting, art in general and using it as a form to worship God. She brought up that sometimes when she is writing or journaling she can't find the words she is looking for so she goes to drawing. This made sense to me because I have seen times in my life that art gives me a place to create when I don't have the words to express what I am feeling or what I need to say. As we talked, I was reminded of how God hears our prayers, even the ones we can't seem to find all to words to, if any words at all.
There are a few distinct times I can remember in my life of not having the words to even speak, to pray to God. A lot of these moments took place while crying in the shower floor, my escape route from reality and the place I would consistently go to when I didn't want anyone to hear or see me cry. One particular time I remember crying, "Jesus, please hold me" over and over again. When I think back to that moment and other heartbreaking moments when I didn't have the words, or even the strength to utter what I needed to God, I remember how He met me right there, scooped me up in His loving, tender, yet strong arms, and set me on my feet again. I remember so many times He has (and I'm sure many more times will) given me the peace and comfort I needed when I couldn't even express my need for it.
I say all this to reassure you. Maybe you don't have the words to fully express to God what is going on. And that's okay, we have the Holy Spirit for that. Through your muddled words, spinning mind, sobbing, snotty cries, despite it all, He hears you. Yes, prayer is important and essential but prayer doesn't always look polished and polite, organized or recognizable to the human ear... most of the time it doesn't look that way at all. But praise God, He still hears.
Now, this is no excuse to stop praying, to stop speaking with God, listening for and to His voice, having communion and relationship with Him. What I am saying though is that He hears even what you cannot speak or find the words to describe.
Rest in this today, friends: There is not one single prayer or cry that goes by without God hearing it, capturing it in His hands, and turning His face toward you with compassion, kindness, and love. You are heard. You are seen. And you are so very loved, far beyond your understanding, child. When words don't suffice, rest in knowing His sovereignty, omniscience, and grace will always be more than enough to hear you and respond with unconditional love.
"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."