Day 8: Dance again, Beloved

Dance again, Beloved.

Remember that place? The place you were in when it felt like the whole world abandoned you? Like the pain would never end and you would never dream again? That you would never dance again? I’ve been there too, friend.

Back in February, I had the opportunity of helping put on a valentines banquet for survivors of sex trafficking. Leading up to the event I was painting cards with some other volunteers, writing encouraging words we felt the Lord lead us to share, and at the end of it, I had some I made at home left over. Fast forward a few months and I find one of those cards again with watercolored flowers on it & in cursive writing the words “Dance again, Beloved”. It broke me in the best way possible.

A few months prior I had a trigger. A trigger is a feeling, image, experience, etc that brings back a traumatic memory, making you feel like you are experiencing the trauma all over again. Long story short I saw an image that triggered me to a specific, dark moment in my life. And I froze. I felt like I stopped breathing and all I could do was cry and call out to Jesus. After that night I felt like I had failed, like all the healing leading up to that point had been undone, and like my calling was far out of reach since I was still dealing with triggers from the past. I remember asking God, “when will it stop? Will I get back up this time? Will I be able to trust again? Will I be able to love freely again and blur out the bad memories?” And then God, right on time as He always is, gave me that word. Dance again...

Sometimes it can be hard to rejoice when what's ahead looks uncertain and unclear. We look back to the past and can be frozen with fear that something like that is what's up ahead again. Coming into this year, there are so many questions. So many desires yet so much uncertainty. Not wanting to be held back in fear but also afraid of getting hurt again. And as I feel these questions and wonders welling up inside, I hear the Comforters' still quiet, yet strong voice saying those words to me again.

Healing is a choice and sometimes it looks like making yourself get out of bed, telling yourself who God says you are and believing even when you can’t see. But God doesn’t want you to crawl through the healing, acting feeble and unable, no— He desires for you to dance through it. To love. To truly live through it. So whatever you are going through today, know that it’s not too big to hand over to God. Let Him be your peace. Let Him be your comfort. Let Him be your strength. And as you release every feeling, emotion, fear, pain, question to Him, please, get up and dance again, beloved.

Today's devotional is rather short, as I find many this month are, with the intention of leaving you with something to ponder and seek the Lord in. What are you struggling to shake from the past? What fears keep you from living fully alive, from embracing the unknown, and from simply dancing again? Whatever it is, I encourage you to seek the Creator, the Healer right now, asking Him to show you what is wounded deep inside and for Him to bring complete healing and restoration to those areas. He loves when we bring all our worries and cares to Him. Lay it all down at the feet of Abba today.

"You have turned my mourning into dancing for me; You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."

Psalm 30:11-12